Nothing is more annoying to me as a professional cook (and probably you as a home cook) than a recipe with shitty directions. You could be god’s holiest of holy priest, pastor, rabbi, monk, or imam and I’d still tell you your shit stinks if you give me a batch of crappy directions. I want my recipes to work when I explain them to someone, that’s why if I post something here and it sucks, tell me how the instructions could be clearer. I want to know.

That in mind, when we set about planning for the potluck we organized for Wednesday night, we decided on a theme of “Turkish” or Middle Eastern if you couldn’t figure Turkish out. Well, if you don’t know, Claudia Roden is the holiest of holy in the food world when it comes to talking about Middle Eastern Cuisine. She’s written a bunch of books on a whole range of countries and cuisines. We happen to have one of her more recent books which is more or less an expansion of the original, ours is called The New Book of Middle Eastern Food. And I love it, don’t get me wrong, it kicks ass, it’s just the little things that bother me.

For example, when one calls for a tsp of salt, instead of a weight or mass measurement, that upsets me a bit. While, the USA is still stuck the confusing fantasy land of the English Measurement system, mucking up kids and making them hate math and science for years to come, a recipe writer needn't obfuscate procedure and ingredients by vague or misleading directions.

On pg. 395 of the 2000 edition Claudia calls for “11/2-2 teaspoons of salt". And on a bread recipe!? That’s a bit of a range to begin with one and a half to two, especially with some of the fine grained sea salts that I know some cooks have. Or that iodized stuff that is saving the world from serious nutritional deficiencies. Lady, I have three different grades of salt in my kitchen, sometimes more, their densities are all different, help a brother out.

Wednesday I grilled the Kofte on the “grill” outside over charcoal and mesquite and Thursday on the iron grill pan, each were excellent cooking methods, neither superior to the other. The pitas I cooked over two days. Having never made pitas before (surprisingly) I wanted to test them out. By the second day I figured out the flaws of the recipe and my own amendments to the procedures and perfected the method. I hope you find these recipes equally rewarding.

Lamb Kofte Kebabs

I bought a 4.13 pound half leg of lamb. It yielded almost exactly 3.75# of cleaned meat.

2. Cut it into about 1” strips of meat (or the size of your grinder). Then dice those into cubes. Note: if you don’t have a grinder and are using a food processor, still cut it into smaller pieces, you’ll thank me.

3. Put those in a metal bowl and place in the refrigerator or even freezer while you prep the rest of the ingredients.

4. Dice the onions. Trust me, it’s easier to dice them first.

5. Weigh out all the dry ingredients and put them in the same dish.

6. Get your grinder set up or your food processor. (Or if you are truly into the physical, just mince all this shit together in small batches on your cutting board. Call me when you are done with that one.) For a meat grinder start with the plate with large holes for the first grind and move it down to the smallest for the next one or two grinds. For a food processor, well, you have one texture cut, pasty, you aim for smooth and not lumpy pasty.

7. The idea is to keep this mixture as cool as possible. So,take your meat out (the lamb) and mix all of the other ingredients really well by hand. You will get your hands and arms dirty so roll up your sleeves. But, don’t over mix or overwork it too much. Your hands will start to melt the fat and well, that leads to some dry sausage.

8. Start grinding (or processing: hand and food processor types). For grinders, I ground mine twice through the same size plate (the medium one). If I did it again, I would go through the small one on the second round with only half of the mixture. The same size grind yields a firm and nice sink your teeth into kind of texture, but I suspect (and will try next week) that the smaller grind would be a more tender mouth feel. Other guys, I don’t know, I didn’t use that shit, good luck to you.

9. Cool the mixture. I covered mine and dealt with it the next day when it was really cold.

10. Put on skewers, or form into patties and grill or saute. I tried it all ways. I cooked them on the barbecue on skewers, pulled the remainder off the skewers the next day and grilled inn a grill pan, and tested the original mixture on the first day in a saute pan. It all tasted about the same when cooked right. The best way to get them on is while they are cold. Squeeze even size chunks in your hand and form log shapes and then skewer them. I flattened mine and evened up the shape to a flattened hot dog. Chill again or freeze for later.

11. Cook until done on a very to medium hot grill, grill pan, saute pan, under a broiler, whatever. What does cooked right mean? I’m thinking medium. If you need a thermometer ~150F or 65C. If you can feel it, good for you. Otherwise, crack it open on one side and peek, no one will notice, that is what we do sometimes too.

We’re making this again next week and bringing it on our annual camping trip because it was THAT good. Try it. Let me know what you think. And remember it is all about the quality of the ingredients.

Fresh Pita ( Pide in Turkish Derived from Claudia Roden, see above)

Note: If you want to sub some whole wheat, you might need to add a bit more water as you are kneading the dough. I would recommend starting with substituting a cup or less. Sometimes that is all you need for that whole grain flavor and nutrients. But that is not what I tested. I’ll update or post another recipe when I do.

Procedure:

3. Add your salt, half of your olive oil, and the remaining amount of flour. (Claudia would have you introducing the flour slowly. I find that all this does is slow you down.)

You will get your hands dirty. Dump it in and start mixing until it all comes together and continue kneading in the bowl until most of the flour is absorbed. The added ingredients will all get evenly distributed as you knead and work it for about ten minutes. Work in the bowl until it all sticks well. It should remain sticky. I work it on an unfloured surface and only dust the surface at the end, so keep a bit of flour (bench flour) handy, this will free the soft and supple dough from the surface when it is done.

I knead the dough in air, like doing butterflies with weights, and on the work surface. I like to stretch it in the air or by grabbing the mound with both hands and extending it away from the pile and folding it over on itself. Turn the dough 90 degrees after each stretch so that the dough is kneaded evenly. Do this until it is fairly resistant. The dough will will supple and soft, yet when a finger indentation is made it will disappear fairly quickly. Tuck the dough into a nice tight ball.

4. Drizzle your remaining oil in the mixing bowl and rolls the ball around in the bowl a bit and then turn the smooth side up and cover with plastic or a line that is fairly heavy and will keep moisture in and air out. Bench rest for 2 hours in a warm spot in the kitchen. Not hot, warm.

5. Remove the nicely risen dough from the bowl by tilting the bowl held close to the work surface and gently coaxing it out, scraping the bowl with a scraper or spatula, from one direction to the other in an arc, until it plops gently out.

6. Gently roll this into a log about 2” wide. Ensure that it is fairly even in width all the way through. This will ensure evenness in pita size later on. Divide in half with the bench scraper or knife. Divide those in half again. Divide those in half again. Divide in half one more time.

7. Keep the balls a half inch or more apart and cover them with a cloth while you work. This keeps them from forming a skin and making them hard to work.

8. Lightly dust your work surface and rolling pin. They make small 1” rod shaped rollers for small pastry dough and these work best, but I used a regular rolling pin, it is just awkward. Place the ball in the center of your dusted area and gently press down with four fingers.

10. I used a peel but you can use a floured cutting board or other surface to bring a few rounds to the oven. With three cooking surfaces I did four at a time. So, four batches at about five minutes each. Carefully pick up a round at a time and place them on the extremely hot (no oil please) surface of the pans and/or pizza stone. No flipping, it’s not necessary. Check them at 3 minutes, because with all that thermal mass it may happen quicker than you think.

11. Place them in a plastic bag, air tight linen, or other container while they cool, this keeps them moist. Otherwise they turn into crackly lavash, which is good, but not what we’re aiming for.

12. Enjoy.

Roasted Beet Salad with Purslane and Fresh Chevre with a “a Jus” Vinaigrette

But first this calls for a little background story here too. Purslane is a weed here but in Turkey and other Mediterranean climates it is a phenomenally interesting little salad green or succulent. It’s super powered with nutrients and vitamins so tell all your vegan friends to fuck off when you pair it with your lamb kebabs and the goat cheese. Turks usually treat it very simply and dress it in olive oil, lemon juice and yogurt, or just yogurt. It is extremely refreshing in the heat of the summer, and believe me, their summers are really damn hot.

Unlike you, I just made a sheet tray of overnight roasted tomatoes. Briefly, they are just quartered in-season field tomatoes (use whatever you like) and tossed with olive oil, salt, pepper and thyme and roasted on low overnight (about 6-8hrs-depending on your oven-mine was at ~220F, so 6hrs). I saved the juice from the pan and used it with the roasted jus from the beets and made the vinaigrette. You could skip this, but it wouldn’t be the same. ;)

Tools needed:

Ingredients:

Procedure:
Note: Beets needed cold are better done a day or two ahead.

2.Wash 2 medium sized beet roots in warm water, these things were in dirt people (When you buy beets they usually come in bunches of 4-6 roots with greens. Save the greens for something else, and roast them all at once to save time later.).  Toss with olive oil, salt, and place in a covered roasting dish with a small pat of butter.

3.Cook them until done. Test by stick a paring knife in to the center, it should go in and out with minimal pressure.

4. Peel while warm or hot, and then chill. Save the cooking liquid. I put it right in with the peeled beets so I don’t lose it.

5.Next day, ideally, wash a few stems of purslane. I used 75 grams worth, it could be more or less you decide. Spin or towel dry it.

6. Dice beets into whatever size you desire.

7. Combine all your cooking jus, beet and tomatoes (cause you read the note), and squeeze in the lime juice and then mix in a little more olive oil with a whisk. You’ll love this, trust me. It’s a deep red or pink, but it is soooo good.

8. Toss everything together in a bowl to coat well, goat cheese and all. Serve while cold.